Looking Around the Corner: Changing Perspective, Changes Everything!

Who would not like to see what is around the corner? If we were cameras, we could just change our perspective, and we would be able to see around the corner. Of course, we can change our positions as well. The most helpful thing we can do with our minds is to change our perspective. In many cases, all we need to do to solve insurmountable problems is to change our perspective. Empirical research from positive psychology and cognitive neuroscience are chuck full of results that tell us that changing the way we see the world, just a bit, can make significant differences in our quality of life, our health, our work, and our relationships. 

Many of us do many things every day to shoot ourselves in the foot, and I am no exception. Up until about two months ago, there was a story I told myself that was not true. My whole life, I’m almost 50, I had been telling myself that I sucked with names. I sucked with names! I would meet someone at work, at an interview, or a party, and a few minutes later, I would forget their name. I told myself, “It’s just how my brain works.” It was so bad that I kept a list of all the people I worked with next to my phone so I could look them up as needed.

Then, in my quest for self-improvement, I finally read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It blew my mind!  In what felt like another lifetime, during my very brief Amway experience, some folks tried to get me to read this book, but the title put me off. In my naive youth, I did not understand that all of us try to influence each other all the time, which is not really what the book is about. As a result of reading the book and following its practices, you will make more friends and be more influential, but that is only because you will be a nicer, more considerate person. 

Shortly after reading the book, I was in Kuala Lumpur on vacation and staying at a guesthouse. I decided that I was going to try to remember everyone's name that I interacted with. It was a great guesthouse, and I went on a few group outings that day. I hung out with ten people and could remember all of their names! For the first time in my life, I was good with names! Me!  I still remember 4 of them. And the only thing that changed is my perspective.  I’ve done this with several other things I thought I was terrible at now, and I’m convinced that I, you, that everyone can learn and be good at whatever they are willing to put effort into.

Changing perspective has so many other possibilities to make our lives better. Changing from a pessimist to an optimist will increase your health, earn you more money, make you happier and result in better relationships. It will even lengthen your life!  If someone cuts you off in traffic or exhibits some other sort of public behavior that you find offensive, make up a good excuse for their behavior in your mind instead of thinking the worst of them. Doing this will diminish any resentments you might have and help you let go of any anger you feel. In fact, compassion for someone going through something bad will leave you feeling good. And since you are likely never to find out the reason for their behavior, you might as well choose the response that serves you best. 

Learning to be more flexible in our thinking, to see things from other’s perspectives, and changing our perspectives gives us more control over one of the only things we are in control of in our lives, our minds. So why not look around the corner?

Time, Travel and Priorities

Why don’t more people make the time for long-term travel? I have taken a half dozen trips that were at least two months long and one that lasted six months. 90% of my friends and family have never taken more than 2 weeks off at once. The average American is lucky to get two weeks off a year. 

In the United States, there are two times in our lives when we are more likely to indulge in long-term travel. When we are just out of college or high school, and when we retire. There’s a 40-year gulf between where we are so focused on work that we don’t do much of anything else. 

We spend all of our time making money to buy cars, houses, and a thousand other things. We put money in our 401K’s for retirement if there’s anything left over. Though many people start saving for retirement as soon as they start working. If you are 65 years old and have $1M in the bank, you could travel for the rest of your life. If you live that long and have good health… My retirement plan is not to retire.

I started traveling in my late 20s, and as I met retirees on my journeys, there was one thing I heard from them repeatedly. “I wish I had traveled when I was your age.” The problem with putting our lives on hold until we retire is that we’ll likely not be in good enough physical condition to do many of the things we’d like to do. 

It’s not about the money. It’s pretty easy to travel through most of the world on a $ 1,000-a-month budget. As long as your expenses are low, it’s not that difficult to save enough money to go for a 6-month adventure. Unless you are in debt or have other financial commitments like kids. For the rest of us, if vagabonding around the world appeals to you, there is no excuse for not making the time to do it. 

I’m 48 and about to go backpacking around Southeast Asia for six months. Luckily, my health and physical condition are excellent. I can still do all the things I want to do. There’s lots of trekking, swimming, scuba diving, and motorcycling in my near future. 

I can’t count the number of times someone has said to me, “I wish I could do that!” in regards to travel. You can do it if you make it a priority. Most people have been suckered into thinking they can’t get off the hamster wheel. They are afraid of employment gaps or that they’ll not be able to get a job when they come home. After all the layoffs and restructures, I thought folks would understand that there is no job security. 

Why not plan for a travel sabbatical, save up for it and go? Take control over your life and your time. Do something you’ve always dreamed about doing while you can still enjoy it. 

Fear, What is it Good For?

What Are You Afraid Of? I spend very little time being afraid. It’s not good or bad, just how I’m wired.  I’m not afraid of being hurt or dying. Not afraid of heights, crowds, spiders, water, or anything else I can think of in the physical world.  I used to have a fear of success and a fear of being alone.  The former I got rid of in my mid 20’s, the latter in the last few years.

At least, I thought I’d overcome my fear of success.  It’s apparent to me now that my fear of success is still with me to some degree.  I used to shoot myself in the foot just when I was about to win. What’s happening now is I seem to be shying away from seeking or accepting help.  The resistance is trying to use this old fear to keep me from reaching out and taking chances. So screw you fear of success!  I will get over myself, ask for help, and accept it when it’s offered.

I went to a talk on the new book, ‘The Power of Pull: How Small Moves, Smartly Made, Can Set Big Things in Motion’ at the Commonwealth Club last night - expect a review soon. At the Q and A, someone asked, “why do we let fear control us.”  Michael Myer had an interesting response. He said if you’re afraid of failing in front of the boss, not conforming, or making the boss mad, those are the wrong kind of fears.  If you’re afraid of your work not being great or not being passionate enough, those are the right kinds of fears because they will help you improve your work and who you are. 

Another way to look at having the right kind of fear is to have goals that can never be achieved; they can only be strived for.  Things like mastering the guitar or being an amazing copywriter. The more time you spend reaching, the better you’ll get at whatever you do.  But there’s always room for improvement and ways to improve.  

One trick I’ve used to get myself to ask for help is to flip the equation.  To ask myself, how do I feel when I help someone?  That’s an easy question. I feel great!  So, if I don’t let someone help me, I’m being selfish. I’m robbing them of that wonderful feeling of being helpful.  Go forth and let someone help you!